The window of my room was slightly open, white panes; the shades were meshed and smelled clean. A wooden chair faced the window, old and a little dusty, creaked when I sat down on it. It was a summer morning, bright, breezy and calm. As I sipped my tea while looking at the view outside, took a deep breath, waited for the very sip to coarse through my throat to the empty pool of happiness in me, replenishing it. Yes, I love tea.
Quiet and steady eyes, observing everything in peripheral vision, glancing at nothing. The world outside my window was sort of blurred and non-existent to my eyes at the time. No, my eyesight was not weak; in fact it was perfect, these eyes saw what any other pair of eyes don’t see sometimes. The sorrows in the blunt and fierce smiles, the insecurities pilled on in a mind residing in a perfectly functioning body but I am not going to talk about all this, I am not. I want to talk about a picture that no one had seen, lived in my pocket. It was a picture of the times when time stood still, a picture from the world built in my own mind, a picture of someone who was once mine.
My left hand reached for my pocket and felt like I was unlocking a cage that had been locked and forgotten about from a long time. This cage contained a beast from my past, sired by my insecurities, wailing regrets, mourning hopes and tormented heart. It grew bigger every time I tried to fight it, so instead of facing it I locked it in a cage a long time ago and was never able to summon the courage to even look at it. As I put my hand in my pocket, the cage was opened, my heart started to beat like that giant, unmerciful and maddened beast, which was eager to get out and unleash its wrath upon me. It charged towards me and as my hand felt the picture on its fingertips, the dainty feet were getting closer and louder, I took it out and looked at the picture and all I could see was a dark figure with flaming red eyes galloping towards my very soul and then the beast bashed against my existence with its long blunt horns, thrashing my ribs and drilling through my gut, throwing me up in the air and then smashing me into the ground. I looked at the picture for the first time after a long time. A sudden silence, a lifeless moment, a deceased soul and a cup of tea were all that was left in my room at that time. My eyes teared up, hands trembled and heart ached like someone put a thousand melting metal balls in my chest. I laid on my chair cold and stiff but breathing.
After a while, a cool breeze entered my room through the window, brushed up against my beard, kissed my cheeks and dried my tears away. Instead of my shaky hands and bleeding soul, I got up and somehow managed to put the beast back in the cage, as I put the picture back in my pocket. I took a deep breath again, I smiled facing the white window, took another sip of my tea, heard my chair creak again, glanced at nothing again. The morning was still calm and bright, and the world was still blurred and non-existent.